Growing up, I wasn’t one of the cool kids. I never wore makeup to school, I didn’t style my hair before leaving the house, I didn’t own the latest smartphone or whatever gadget was out as of late. So who was interested in me? Obviously, no one. I was, what is commonly known as an “outcast”.
Exclusion is something I’ve dealt with for several years. I would put the time as middle school to junior high school. I was the “topper” who knew nothing apart from studying, who never had a boyfriend, who never lined her lips with lipgloss or her eyes with eyeliner, stuff like that. As a result, I didn’t have any friends, neither in school nor in my residential colony and I was completely on my own. Senior year onward, everything changed. I met people with more intellect and I realized, that having a few close friends is much better than having a whole crowd of fifty “so-so” friends and even today, those friends are very dear to me.
Before I even knew, I graduated high school and was off to college. Delhi University. And believe it or not, exclusion is far worse in there as compared to junior high. Sounds strange but unfortunately, it’s true. I also didn’t make any proper friends there but to be honest, my standards had a role there. I noticed that most people in my vicinity were always snitching around behind each others’ backs. (Point to note; I said most people, not all. If anybody from my previous college reads this and they think it’s about them, then all I’m going to say is that you know who you are so don’t bullshit me with questions asking if I’m talking about you or not. If you haven’t done anything wrong you have nothing to worry about). Dishonesty spread in there like wildfire. For a long time I didn’t have any friends until I met these two Bengali guys who to this day, are still very close to me.
As much as it hurt back then, I came to the understanding that they were not my true friends because they didn’t have my best interest at heart. They would stick around just to be polite but oh no, just because I never said anything doesn’t mean I was an idiot. I saw through them very nicely. I realized with an affirmative that I didn’t need to suck up to these vile, foul people and I was much better off without them. I started focusing on myself, my studies and my health.
Eventually, two things happened. One, I got to know that literally almost everyone in this college would talk trash about each other in secret. Yes, even the ones who would post pictures with “BFFs” or “#squadgoals” and similar crap written all over in the captions! I swear to God, it was hilarious to watch. Second, I had a dream of becoming a doctor but I gave up on it because of a fallen morale. But as a result of focusing on my studies, I cracked the NEET which is the national entrance exam for medical colleges in India. I did it, I came out stronger after all!
Now given all my history, I always wondered why I got excluded so much. Really, why? What had I done wrong? Or rather, what wrong had I done by someone else? I had a lot of questions. Slowly, I came to understand that friendship these days is rarely decided by anyone’s moral values and strengths. Rather friendships are made with the aim of gaining social status. The society has a framework and if you don’t fit into that framework, you’re worth nothing. To name a few, this includes having a lot of money, being fair, being skinny, how many boys or girls are crazy about you etc.
If somebody asked me, “so why should I be friends with you?” I would reply, “I’m kind sweet and willing to help you through all hardships in life”. And I can guarantee you, 9 out of 10 people won’t be interested. They would though, if instead I said I owned a Tesla and a large mansion with a swimming pool. That’s exactly why the word “society” is actually a misnomer because if we really were a society, we would be trying to uplift each other instead of destroying each other. We are destroying each other everyday not only in terms of LGBTQ+ rights denial, marriage standards or domestic violence, but in these ways too. We are not a society, rather we are a cult. A cult that has brainwashed everyone to think according to a small, bourgeois mindset.
Reality struck me soon. I realized my usage of the word “exclusion” was completely wrong. Instead, I’m actually unique. I got excluded because I was unafraid to be myself. I got excluded because I wouldn’t participate in drama or trash-talking. I got excluded because I decided to be intelligent and score good marks instead of doing a two-hour hair and makeup routine for school. And guess what, today I’m glad that they didn’t approve of me. They were extremely small-minded people only interested in money and looks.
But that doesn’t mean I have forgotten where I came from. I remember the pain of discrimination. And once I got over all the trauma, I made a vow to myself that as long as I am capable, I will never make another person feel unwanted. I will include everyone who feels left out, because everybody is worthy of love, regardless of their material possessions. And believe it or not, this doesn’t come from a place of pity. Rather, the ones who are different from the others are the most interesting people to talk to. They are the ones who can provide a wonderful input in a conversation because they are not lost in the endless race of trying to impress others.
Everyday I hear so many people speaking about revolution. That “if we do this, we can change the world. If we do that, we can make a massive difference”. And frankly, I think it’s all garbage. Screw trying to change the world, change yourself first! Set the example yourself before telling others what to do. The present “cool” is trying to act powerful by being spoiled, entitled brats. I hope for the future cool to be kindness, empathy and compassion.
Concluding, my self-made vow was to make the different ones feel at home. And I haven’t broken that ever since.
{Please take note, this article was not written as a means of eliciting pity or sympathy from anyone, or to give out the message that I’m sad and I need help. I simply wanted to share my point of view on this matter and the experience connecting it. At first I didn’t want to, thinking that I might cause others to feel alarmed, but as of late I realized that there are a lot of people out there who need some form of assurance, some form of comfort in knowing that everything will be fantastic one day and this will all be behind them. Just so you know, this indeed is my present-day situation. I have wonderful friends and family, I’m studying for my dream career and I’m having a lot of fun with the people I love}
Tales Untold 