Extras – Tales Untold

Talking about triggers

A/N: in this article I will be talking about a school bully. I will not use her name here or give any of her identifiers, so please do not attempt to coerce me into doing so. And please read till the very end, I promise you I’m just talking about an experience, I’m not going through a difficult time at all. I just don’t want to stir up unnecessary attention and cause worry to the people reading this.

This morning for some odd reason, I got reminded of a girl who bullied me in middle school through junior high school. I didn’t exactly feel any stimulus, but all of a sudden I got reminded of all the horrible, dehumanizing things she said to me to put me down.

I was supposed to do my morning workout. A ten-minute abs routine that I recently got strong enough to do quite effortlessly. I could not bring myself to do that simple workout at all. Instead I lay on my exercise mat, weak and unable to push my body up. I just lay there for a long time and scrolled through my phone, feeling completely demotivated. After that, I decided to give up and go take a shower. That “not today” feeling was strong inside of me.

But then something happened miraculously. Just as I was rolling up my mat a voice on the inside of me said “don’t give up because of her”. Here’s the thing. I lay like a lifeless body on the floor for an hour, not wanting to do anything. However as soon as I heard that voice in my head, I promptly set the mat out again and completed the workout. Sure enough, I was late to breakfast after that but it was totally worth it.

I did not write about this incident to worry someone, gain sympathy or any sorry feelings towards myself. Neither do I wish to take revenge on my bully because that would make me no different from her. And I don’t want to be like her. Nor do I have any mental health issues that need emergency attention. I decided to write this because triggers from the past are more common than one might think they are.

The point is, small incidents or anything that you come across on social media can cause flashbacks to the time you were treated badly. My purpose of writing this is to let people know that they are not wrong for feeling this way. Talking about this is difficult too because you might hear remarks along these lines- “why are you still living in the past? Get over it already!”

Getting over traumatic experience is not as easy as getting over India losing the cricket match. It takes time, conscious effort and a lot of courage to acknowledge that you were not wrong to be vulnerable. Often, we have to do this while withstanding taunts from other people. I just want to congratulate all the people who didn’t give up and decided to keep moving forward, no matter what. And yes, in case you were waiting for me to say this, this is what bullying does to people. Let that sink in.

In conclusion: today was a wonderful day, because after a long time I didn’t let a past experience come into the way of the present. Today was a day of victory. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

Tags: trigger, dealing with triggers, personal experience,bullying.

Why Menstruation Is A Taboo Across The World (And Why It Needs To Stop)

I still remember the first time I had my period. Hushed, whispering discussion about bleeding, bloodstain removal and sanitary napkins so that my father wouldn’t hear it.

A few years later I was working out very strenuously during a period and it was my dad who told me to stop it since it’s unhealthy. I being only thirteen at that time was really embarrassed to hear that from him. As I advanced into my older teens I wondered what all the hush was about. It’s normal female physiology and it’s a sign that a woman is fertile and healthy. Why all the whispering and why is it always referred to as “that girls problem” in any conversation?

The crux of the entire issue is where the blood comes from i.e the vagina via the cervix and what that blood really consists of, which is the middle lining of the uterus or the endometrium. Yes, the taboo is because of the female reproductive system being involved. So that’s why there’s so much of whispering or what is typically called “stigma” and it’s pretty much the reason why girls are judged on the basis of the skin revealed by their clothes. The idea is, that women ought not to reveal themselves beyond a certain limit and talking about something involving their uteruses is simply the highest reading on the axis.

And this mentality spreads. The moment anyone takes up the topic of menstruation in public, people immediately start making faces. So many people act awkwardly when I ask for sanitary napkins at the chemist store. I feel like tapping the person’s shoulder and asking him, “why don’t we talk about this over tea and I’ll give you a biology lesson that education obviously didn’t teach you?” But I don’t blame these people. This is how they were raised. This is what their families taught them.

Now after all this you might wonder, why did I take this up? Why do I care and why is this such an issue? That’s because many women are afraid of speaking up about reproductive health problems. Many women in rural and underdeveloped areas are still blamed for not being able to conceive a child and they are unable to talk about problems related to their infertility because of the stigma in the society. Many young girls do not even know about basic menstrual hygiene and they often die of a disease known as Toxic Shock Syndrome or TSS. TSS is a disorder that occurs from using the same period protection for too long, i.e approximately 8-12 hours. Blood serves as a culture medium for bacteria to grow and the infection causes sudden symptoms of vomiting, high blood pressure, high pressure and fever. If not detected and treated on time, it can lead to amputation and even death.

It is this sexism that has not only claimed a thousand female lives but it has put another thousand at risk too and how about I remind you that our monthly spew of blood is the very reason you exist? Rachel from the sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S rightly said, “No uterus, no opinion”(**). Yes people, this doesn’t stop just at abortion laws. Don’t express your disgust at cervical blood flow just because you don’t have to go through it. Don’t stare at us for using hot water bottles at work to soothe our cramps, I dare you to manage just a full single day of work with all that abominable pain. Don’t blame us for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) just because you were being an obnoxious brat while talking to us. Don’t make your problems into our problems, we have enough of our own.

Concluding I would like to say, that it’s high time this nonsense is put to an end. Let your wives, sisters and daughters express themselves freely, for they don’t deserve to be put at shame for something they can’t help. Take care of them so that they can be healthy and capable mothers to equally healthy children. Spread the knowledge and the love.

(**) Speaking of no uterus, no opinion, here’s a real life story I found in the community today. Women need a say in their own laws. It touched me and you’ll know why when you read it:

https://wp.me/p24IkD-1tx

Yours sincerely,

Aranya

Picture credits: Pinterest

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Catch me on the gram : @a_pen_unused

Here’s the cover on Pinterest if you find it!

Guys please leave a like if you enjoyed this piece and leave a comment below on what you think about it. It’s very frustrating for a writer to have irresponsive readers, especially after all the effort they put in. Please put yourselves in our place and think about it.

My Outlook on the James Charles – Tati Westbrook drama

Disclaimer: This is NOT a medium to spread hate. I do not disrespect James or Tati or anyone else involved here.

Hi sisters……..or bye sisters?With people spilling enough tea to fill a swimming pool, how about I spill a cup?

(Okay okay, these are three cups but it doesn’t matter yeah? 😂)

Here’s my outlook on the James and Tati drama! I should probably start by a brief description of the situation. It all started with a beauty guru called Tati Westbrook.

A few days ago, she uploaded a whopping 45-minute video on YouTube calling out one of her former colleagues, the very popular James Charles. You all know your sister, eh?

Apparently she was affronted after James posted a video on his Instagram story which marketed vitamin pills of a company that is a direct rival to Tati’s company, Halo Beauty.

Well, in this huge documentary of a video she talked about how not only James is dishonest but also that he’s a predator (yes, a sexual manipulator) and he’s arrogant, loud and misguided. Shortly thereafter James uploaded an apology video asking for Tati’s forgiveness, but it was too late. He already lost 2.1 million subscribers by the time his video went public.I watched Tati’s video. Oh now she’s deleted it and she’s saying why:

https://youtu.be/WCTA7X9b2AA

And here are the impressions I felt she was trying to convey about James Charles:1. On the whole, his behaviour is absolutely atrocious!2. He said things like, “every man is a little bit gay, there’s no such thing as a completely straight man.3. Tati was disheartened to see that the boy who grew from her help turned her down with a smack.4. James thinks way too much of himself because of his money and fame.(Please do not straightaway jump to conclusions at this point. There’s still a lot to be said)

Now the question comes, how do I know that who’s telling the truth? Anybody of the two could be telling a lie or maybe the affair was staged, how do we know?So within a day or so, Tati uploaded a second video that justified her actions:

https://youtu.be/2rLcu292K_g

It was in this video that I got a cue. Tati says, “I never realized the hate would go up to this magnitude”.

Wait what? You are a YouTuber with 5 million subscribers across the world and you have firsthand experience. You literally made a video that made someone look like an idiot. And then you say you didn’t realize that the hate would amount to this magnitude? That’s like pushing someone and saying, “Oh I didn’t realise he would fall”.When I watched her first video, I thought she was trying to do a service to the society by calling out a predator. I thought she did it because she thought James was a disgusting person and it was time people really know what he is. But it was her second video that made my opinions take a turn.

Also, there’s no material evidence that James was into sexual harassment. Nobody can verify that he really made all those statements. A lot of allegations have sprung up against him since the rift began, one of them even saying that “James and I went to high school together. He sexually harassed me”. Yet again, these can’t be proved and it’s unfair to say that about somebody without any proof.

Both parties have made a lot of claims, for example Tati said that she and her husband scored brand deals for him, James refuted a lot of allegations etc. and I do not believe spoken claims. I’m only speaking here on the basis of the solid information I have.

And the only information I have with me are these videos. So what do I make of it then? James, if you really made those derogatory remarks and those then it’s shameful of you (note I said, “if”).

But what you did Tati was extremely unjustified. You ended someone’s career which was extremely unethical of you to do. James isn’t your son. He isn’t your family. If repeated warnings against bad behaviour didn’t work on him, then if I were you I would have let it go!

His bad behaviour will bring bad name to himself and his family. Nobody would have associated you with that.

Moreover in his latest video, James shows that he made endless calls and messages to both Tati and her husband to explain everything, which they didn’t even bother to receive!

Link: https://youtu.be/uFvtCUzfyL4

He also explained the situation that it was a last moment decision he made out of a great deal of fluster. It was a mountain made out of a molehill. I understand Tati that your friend marketing a rival brand’s vitamins feels really unfair. But this could have easily be settled in private. What James could have done instead though was share two stories, one of Sugar Bear Hair Gummies and another of Halo Beauty vitamins and said that he uses both of these.

But we never know what’s going to pop up next! So let’s see if the game’s over, or are there more UNO reverse cards yet to slam on the table?Hence whose side do I take? I take side James. Sorry, Tati stans. But at the same time, I would love to know your opinions on the affair. Whose side do you take? And why? Fuel the debate in the comments section below! I promise I’ll participate if comments appear. Till then, bye brotherhood! (I’ll use “brotherhood” since James uses “sisters” okay? *winks*)

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A/N: Please don’t be a silent reader, people. If you really like or even hate what a writer produces, then please do comment or at least drop a like so that we know your feelings. It’s highly disappointing for a writer to not receive any response.

Dealing With Toxic People: Part 3 – Stop Expecting

Thank you guys for the wonderful support, part 2 was also a massive hit. Now that I’ve spoken about toxic people enough, I must talk about the process in between.

The truth is, there’s a large gap of time between resignation and moving on. Your heart still holds on so wrenchingly and even though maturity tells you it isn’t right, the heart keeps saying, “Oh how I wish it was”. Take note I’m not talking about just romantic relationships but any other human connection that makes you feel worthless.

And it’s because of this large gap, we end up in self pity. We end up wishing people would love us. We end up thinking wishing better treatment. We end up thinking that there’s no hope ahead. We end up in destructive thoughts like, “I didn’t deserve this”, “I needed better”. Recently I happened to listen to a Spotify podcast by Humble The Poet. He says, “self-pity is the biggest destruction to mankind” and this is something that really got me thinking. Why do we always expect so much?

A ton of nuisance is out for us everyday. Some idiot driver cuts us off during a turn, people nearly stamp on us while boarding a train, our partners break up with us, our boss yells at us, we’re gaining weight, there’s just too much to handle. And we end up asking why? Why did he do this? Why did she say that? Why did he leave me?

And this is where my grandma taught me a very important lesson. The answer is, “it’s because they’re like that only”. True, it’s because that’s their nature. It’s high time we stop expecting people to behave the way we want them to. Because they won’t. They’re not you. If everyone in the universe thought the same way, the police wouldn’t exist. The army wouldn’t exist. Writers wouldn’t exist. The court wouldn’t exist.

In short, there are lots and lots of unimportant details in between. I had an amazing life but a few roadblocks that caused me some dark times. But I had only one mistake. My approach to things, my setbacks and my failures.

I’ll conclude by saying, that never ever, ever make the mistake I made. Lylah the unicorn from The Swan Princess said that you’re braver than you think. That’s the cue, you are and you can do much better than you think. So get off the couch, brush your teeth, comb your hair and get going. You have a long and a beautiful life ahead of you and you must get to it.

Yours sincerely

Aranya

Here’s part 1 and 2, fam! : 1. https://talesuntold.home.blog/2019/04/13/some-people-need-to-go/

2. https://talesuntold.home.blog/2019/04/15/dealing-with-toxic-people-part-2/

Dealing With Toxic People (Part 2)

Thanks to your wonderful support, the first part of this series was a massive hit. As promised, here’s the much awaited part 2.

Previously on this blog, I had uploaded a small account on how it feels like to have a toxic friend and how I winged him out like cricket sixer. For those of you who missed it, here’s the link:

https://talesuntold.home.blog/2019/04/13/some-people-need-to-go/

(In case it’s inaccessible, you’ll find it on my homepage)

I first thought of keeping this story to myself. But later on I realised that most of you are going through this confusion and heartbreak of dealing with people and even abuse at times and trust me, manipulative people have that objective. So I started the series purely for two reasons, one to tell the story that tested my resilience up to such a huge extent and two, to tell people like me about these types of poisonous friends.

Why is it so hard to let go?

1. Trust me, even I didn’t know why until I read a certain article that said, “Old bonds snap hard”. Exactly, they snap really hard. The memories, the fun, that feeling of security was what made your life this happy little haven, but now it’s not the same. This is what the confusion is. At times, you even end up planning your whole life with them.

2. But bonding is just one reason. The other and the more significant one is, that we fear spending time alone. We fear the void created by their loss. We fear the things people will say about us. We fear having to look like an “outcast”.

Let me make one thing very clear: if you are an honest, sincere person who loves hard and leads a simple life, then you of all people do not deserve to go through this. Why do you settle for two cents when your heart is worth a million dollars?

Toxic people love the control they have over you. But how do you tell? I’m not a certified life counsellor or someone very experienced or knowledgeable but I’ve been betrayed and cheated enough to tell things from a common man’s perspective.

The following are signs of a toxic person:

1. Ghosting. Last night, you talked about your geography teacher with that funny haircut. Today, no signs. No replies. No receiving of calls.

2. It’s your fault. Every goddamn thing that went wrong was your fault.

3. They are ashamed to be seen with you in public.

4. They drain your energy and spoil your mood. Talking to them makes you question yourself.

5. They disregard your presence in front of others.

Now that you’ve read this, take a deep breath and ask yourself, do you deserve this? You are a beautiful human being with a lovely heart underneath. You care like a mother and protect like a father. Why shouldn’t this love go to the right person?

On an ending note, always remember these few important lessons I learnt from my beloved grandma:

1. Only the most jobless, useless and small-minded people talk trash about others behind their backs.

2. Referring to the aforementioned point, opinions don’t matter either. Stop being bound to a need to be cool and popular. Get rid of the bad habit of seeking validation.

3. Never be afraid to spend time alone. After my break up with my friend, I was forced to spend time alone. And trust me, it was sad in the beginning, but it’s so much fun now. You’ll love it.

4. Also, if people snitch about you, they’re jealous! They hate how you’re going so strong, in spite of all the hate they shower on you.

5. Alone? Good. There are more people in the audience than there are in the ring.

6. What goes around comes around. They won’t be happy for long, darling.

7. No matter what, never plot revenge. Or you wouldn’t be any different from them. Trust me, watching karma in full swing is pure entertainment.

8. Independence is the most seductive quality a human being could attain. Keep fighting and trusting the Almighty, and you’ll shine the brightest.

You’ll win. Take my word for it.

Part 3 out fam!: https://talesuntold.home.blog/2019/05/12/dealing-with-toxic-people-part-3-stop-expecting/

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Image credits: Pinterest.

Some People Need To Go

Note: This is a really old experience and is not connected to any person in my immediate surroundings such as my college or co curricular platforms.

That day was a big day for me. Not because I won the Olympics, but because I successfully walked out of a toxic relation.

Some person I know by name and face first broke our friendship off because of a certain mistake I made and yes, I agree I was wrong. I made an effort to change and I apologised after that as well, but he still refused to acknowledge the effort I had put in for four months. But by now, my dignity was more important to me than a petty friendship. So I told him clearly, “You don’t have to be friends with me. That is, if that’s what you want”. And think about this. For four continuous months I called myself a toxic friend. I blamed myself to the extent up to which I had to cry myself to sleep.This incident happened a day before. As bad luck had it, I had to contact him for some important information, genuinely. So I dropped him a text, purely out of no choice early this morning. It had been ten hours and still there was no reply from him. Whereas he’s the guy who’s always stuck to his phone like superglue.

This is when I wondered, that who exactly was being the toxic friend here, him or me? I made a really small mistake and I made a huge effort just to correct myself. And he, he didn’t give a damn care about my feelings, about the way I questioned myself for his sake and it didn’t even occur to him that I could get hurt by his actions.That day was the day I told myself : really, Jheel you’ve had enough. Enough of wanting to be loved. Enough of wanting friendship. Enough of dealing with crap. Some people need to go. Jay Shetty rightly said, “If you love people more than you deserve, they will hurt you more than you deserve”.Henceforth, I blocked him, deleted his number and cut off all contact with him. For some people deserve to be thrown away and some people really need to go.

A/N : I’ll be uploading a part 2 on how I dealt with toxic people in the past. Till then, please do take care of yourselves. Picture courtesy: PinterestLove, Aranya.The cover:

Catch this on Pinterest!

Cover image: Pinterest

*******Part 2 is here! : https://talesuntold.home.blog/2019/04/15/dealing-with-toxic-people-part-2/

Don’t Talk To Me

Let’s assume your monthly salary is $1000 per month. What if on a certain month you were paid $800? What would you do?

You would fight, of course! Argue with your boss, drag him to court and persist till you get the full remainder back. And why? Because that’s what you worked for nine hours five days a week. Because you need that money to buy food and clothes. Because you need that money to pay the bills.

So if we can do this so relentlessly without a second thought when it comes to money, then why do we settle for less when it comes to our self-worth? Why do we allow people to walk over us? Why? It’s because we fear losing friends. We fear of looking bad to others. We want to be nice but little do we realize, that actually we look far from being nice. This kind little damsel exists only in movies.

The truth is the exact opposite. Nobody respects and values a person who allows other people to overstep their boundaries and they think you are desperate for company. So much so, that you don’t even want to lose the people who are rude to you. The point is, does letting them stay make you happy?

This 2019, throw away all the hypocritical resolutions people tell you to make. Instead I challenge you to walk up to a poisonous person, look him in the eye and say, “Don’t talk to me”. Because it’s your self- respect. Your life. Your energy. Your happiness. And neither do you have to make an excuse for rude people and nor for anything that belongs to you.

The Spark

My first romantic poem at 14

We walk down the streets, hand in hand

A spark in a world so blue

You looked at me, and I wished the world would stop

For decades and centuries through

I’ve been through odds, I’ve been through winters

But you were always there by my side

You’re the king of hearts, and I’m the queen of spades

This love, is so not blind

In a garden of rosebuds above us

We’re the weeds that grow below

But you’re the hero I worship with fervour

No matter how high or low

As we live and gaze at the stars above

At the expanse of a beautiful sea

We’re like the brightest constellations in the sky above

Yes, that’s you and me.

The Tides

From my oldest collection. Check out this section to read more!

Where are you now,

It’s the only thing I fear

My heart creeps with cold ice

When I don’t feel you near.

The way the gentle water

Turns to monstrous tides

You’ve changed quite phenomenally

With two different sides.

Once I led your thoughts,

The catalyst of every move

But now your directions have changed so much

That I can’t believe it’s you

I don’t know what’s turned you

Into a sadistic sophomore,

But I seem to understand you, and I hope

The tides will settle once more.

Aranya Paul Nandi

The Demise of Humanity

This is a collection from when I was 12-14 years old. Needless to say, my versatility in writing changed over the years.

When people pick up a weapon

To drive through someone’s heart

The stilts that bear humanity

Begin to break apart.

When we strangle someone

Or defame someone’s face

We just don’t claim a life but also

Insult the human race

When the beast inside escapes your soul

To forcefully live in another’s

A massive cannon blows a hole

To accomplish some mass murder

You may kill to prove your power

Or to resonate your clarity

But the only aftermath of the hour

Is the demise of humanity.